Anxious.

Okay. Here I am laying in bed.

I'm trying to catch up on my sleep like my doctor told me to do because it was effecting my body. I slept last night off and on, I tossed and turned. I fell asleep about 7am when Jon went to class. I am very proud of myself because when I can't sleep, I tend to get up and do something else like play video games or browse the internet. Last night I stayed in bed and actually made an effort to sleep. I slept from 7am til 11am then 12pm til about 2pm. I'm slowly catching up on my sleep. After I woke up, I had motivation to do my housework.

My anxiety shot through the roof when someone came banging on my door this afternoon. I was still in my jammies so I had to hurry to find my housecoat to cover up with. I opened the door to find like 12 RCMP surrounding my doorstep, guns drawn and one in my doorway asking if somebody lived here. They then asked how long I have lived here. I knew the name because they were the people that lived above me when I moved in. I hurried to my front window after I closed my door to see six police cars in the front driveway and parked on the street. This worried me to no extent. I called Lurel to ask if Natalie would tell me if I was in danger. This slipped my mind after I calmed down..

I didn't hear back from my psychologist yet, after he told me yesterday that he would call me this morning to confirm a appointment time with him. It pisses me off to no limit that there are so little options for people with a mental illness in my province to do. I mean, seriously. I just need to talk to somebody.

Lurel talked to the eye specialist. He told her that the best thing for me to do is get a regular eye exam then they would send me to the specialist if something didn't look right. I made my eye exam. The soonest they could book me for was December 16th. Thats one day before my birthday. It will cost me $65 just for the exam (not including x-rays and whatnot). I'm not going to worry about that til the time comes because its just going to stress me out.


Oh and to top off my night. Jon's fire alarm rings around midnight. I was so scared that there was a fire there, all I could do was hope he was alright. He came back after almost a hour. That had my anxiety reeling.

We then watched some of Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen. I love that movie. Sadly, I suggest we turn it off because it was getting late and he has a class in the morning. So we turned it off.

Thats all that I did today. I made some yummy ravioli for supper. I watched NCIS then played some mariokart with my friends :3

Ooooooooooh, I was creeping on facebook and one of my old friends invieted me to go out on a "adventure". Its something that we all use to do. I miss it. I miss laughing and having fun. I miss seeing all of my friends, I miss the excietment, I miss telling stories with these people. I hope this is a new chapter of my life.

I shut these people out of my life when I got sick. These people watched me get sick. I can remember it because I was working at camp when I felt myself slip away from everyone. I was so glad to be done that summer. I sped away and didn't look back. This wasn't me. I love camp, I lived to be at camp, camp was apart of me.

Finally, a second chance. I hope I can spend time with everyone again. Courtney, Dustin, Nicole, Gillian. Gosh I miss everything about them. Enough of this sob story.

I'm going to try to get some sleep again. I just needed to clear my mind, thats all.

Goodnight everyone, take very good care and have a safe and happy day tomorrow.