Today, is a new day.
The past few days have been total chaos for my body. I went to my pyscoholgist appointment. It turned out fine.. I told him that what he gave me last time wasn't working for me, that I needed more support then that, what does he do? Turn around and tell me that my mood management group would make everything all better, which is what I told him wasn't working.
He then said he'd talk to another psychologist about my case, I got a phone call today about my psycotharpy, it will cost a great deal of money to pay for it which I don't have. So there goes that idea out the window.
I want to make a change. I can't go on living like this, I can't go to bed at 6am and get up at 5pm. I just can't. I woke up feeling like a slug tonight. I want to change this horrible habit. I am going to change this horrible habit.
I just got so discouraged after I went to bed at 10pm and only slept for three whole hours. I feel like such a failure. Why can't I put my mind to rest? I want to be normal again, what is it going to take? I plan on going to bed before 6am tonight, I know that for a fact.
Moving on. One less paranoid thought has begun to leave me. Since I moved out on my own, I have been really scared to use my stove/oven. I'm scared that it will catch fire and I wouldn't be able to put it out. Slowly but surely I have managed to knock that down and cook a lot more.
I'm thinking about talking to Lurel about a SSC worked. I really think I could use the support. Everyone that I have met who has had one said that it worked wonders for them, they helped them overcome their fears. I really hope I can get into the program, Lurel told me that I could qualify.
In other news. I baked cookies tonight. I was bored and had a craving for something sweet. I baked cookies at 9pm ^^. They turned out to be very yummy.
I didn't get to go to Courtney's adventure. I was too scared (another let down). I asked her out to coffee after her play gets done and over with and shes less busy. She even invieted me over to play this board game with Jon, Jenn, Dustin and herself. I'm thinking that would be awesome. I haven't seen or really spoken to any of them since summer of 2005 when I started to get sick.
Thats all I have to say for tonight.
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I had the same sleeping problem , exactly back last year , from October 2008 until like February 2009 I had a very messed up sleeping pattern ( about like yours 5AM -> 3PM )
ReplyDeleteWell the difference is that I knew exactly what caused mine , I don't know about you since I'm just butting in like that but... I can tell that switching back to normal sleeping times takes a great amount of willpower, because yea , the gap between saying "I will sleep normally" and actually trying to do it is huge
you'll really have to chase away procastination and have to really convinced about doing it.
I made my transition pretty brutal , not like , sleeping at 5 AM then sleep at 4 AM next day , rather try to sleep at 10 PM everyday until I actually got to start sleeping normally when going to bad at that time in March 2009
so yea I hope you an manage to do it too , cuz its unhealthy , because the worse is when you actually know its not healthy but cant manage to escape it.
Thanks Thino.
ReplyDeleteYes, I know its unhealthy and it is the worst part, knowing you can't escape it easily.
And, your right. I need willpower. Theres a difference between saying I'm going to do it and actually trying my hardest to do so. I give up too easily and I'm still searching for that willpower.